As I sit staring at the blank screen in front of me, I find myself fighting with my thoughts and fingertips, trying desperately to pound out a string of coherent sentences. A few weeks have passed since my last post and I have lacked both the inspiration and motivation to narrate another track to my kickass playlist. I don’t know if I have hit a wall per-se or if I have simply lost my momentum. Either way, I find myself stalled and unable to push forward.
Daily posts have shifted to weekly, bi-weekly and now monthly ramblings. As I enter into the ninth month of my little project (Yep. Nine freaking months. How is that possible?) I am miles behind the goal which I had set. What should be a blog boasting of more than 240 posts has been idling away at 59 for way too long. And why is that?
In a previous post (see track 33 I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For), I claimed that I was stepping back from my original goal of a post a day in order to give myself a little breathing room to search out new songs and memories. By spending every evening musing about the choruses of my past, I was missing out on tracks that had not yet been played. At the time, however, I didn’t think that stepping back from my project meant stepping away. Clearly I was mistaken.
I didn’t just relax my grip on the reigns of self-discipline, I let go completely. It suddenly became far too easy for me to walk away from my writing when I was stuck on a sentence or simply not feeling the rhythm of my words. Instead of forcing my languid mind to persevere, I used the excuse of family, friends, work and play to divert my attention elsewhere. I allowed tardiness to transform itself into neglect and have thus brought myself to the precipice of failure. Again, why is that?
Could it be that like an amateur marathoner, I took off too fast and ran out of steam before even reaching the halfway mark? (Wait a second. I’ve been there.) Or maybe like someone stepping back into the gym for the first time after a rather long hiatus, I went a little too hard without properly warming up and pulled something. (Yep. I’ve been there, too.) Or could it be that like an overexcited teenaged boy, I simply let my gun go off before the runners had even lined up. (Sigh.) I am sure my lack of focus has been due to all of the above and probably a whole lot more. But that is not important now.
What is important is for me to find some middle ground to the slippery slope upon which I am currently sliding. I need to start writing again for no other reason than I want to see this project through. I may not finish the year with a post a day, but I will reach forty-one writing strong and steady. (Can I get a ‘Hell Ya!’?)
There is no better song with which to rekindle my flame and put a little heat beneath my fingertips than Mother, We Just Can’t Get Enough, by the New Radicals. This was the song that started many epic nights (for me at least) back in my days of DJing at Nepal. I quite literally had one foot on the dance floor every time I cued it up. From start to finish I was zoned out and thrashing around like I was in a trance. When the music finally faded into the next song I was fully amped and ready for whatever the night had in store. I play it now in the hopes that it will once again ignite that same frenzied spark and keep me going until the end of the night.
Character comes not from simply starting something new but from having the fortitude to follow it through to completion. Mother, let’s see if I have enough!
Mother We Just Cant Get Enough youtube link