Innocence. This is something that everyone takes for granted until it is lost. And unfortunately it is something that is impossible to regain. I have often tried to look at the world through the eyes of a child. I think that as children our eyes are coated with something that allows us to see the world as a mosaic. Everything is so vibrant and alive with beauty. All that we see and do for the first time fills us with excitement, fear, joy, and wonder. We don’t know (or shouldn’t know) the dark colors of cynicism, suspicion, pessimism and doubt. Everyone we see, know and interact with is, for the most part, full of pure and honest intentions. At least this is how it was in my fairy tale upbringing. I can remember growing up and thinking that everyone in my family was infallible. My brother, parents, grandparents, all of my aunts, uncles and cousins were flawless. Life for me was absent the horrors that many people go through every day. In every aspect of my life, I was innocent…until I wasn’t.
I can’t really pinpoint where or when in my life I lost my sense of innocence. It didn’t happen over night. I didn’t just wake up and think to myself, “Wow, the world isn’t as great as I thought it was.” My eyes just became clearer and I began to realize that nobody, including myself, was impervious to the darker colors that I was once unable to see through my stained glass vision. Without taking this entry to a much more cynical place, let’s just say I don’t see the world as effervescent as I once did.
And now I have a daughter of seven who still ‘knows’ that the tooth fairy will bring her money for every tooth that falls out of her pretty mouth. I listen quietly as she talks to her dolls and imagines that she is a mermaid swimming in the ocean. I tell her stories that will do nothing but feed into her innocence and put one more piece of colored glass into her mosaic. The way I see it, I will never regain what I have lost but I can at least live vicariously through the wonder and joy of my child’s innocence.
Track two is Return to Innocence, by Enigma. It is a song that takes me on a journey every time I hear it. I am always brought back to my days at Nepal. Like You Gotta Be, this was one of those songs that I would put on at the end of a night to clear out the last of the barflies. However, as the song moved to the crescendo (which is performed by Taiwanese folk singers — yeah Taiwan!) I found myself alone, zoned out and completely all over the dance floor. Something about the music just touches me. Maybe it’s my own yearning for a return to innocence.
Return to Innocence video